Random Thoughts

Stories fill my head: they jump at me, scream at me, and stare at me. The only way to keep them out is by giving them shape, giving them form. I write them as fast as I can. Sometimes, writing them in the computer is not enough; they demand to be printed.

I am a slave to passing ideas and random thoughts.

Complete Trust

Enviable trust!

The swimming pool is an inviting view from their hotel room. The moment we arrived, she pleads non-stop with her mother and father for a swim. She whispers to me she loves to dip at the pool, even for just awhile, hoping I would ask her mom, my sister, to allow her.

Barely into the second day of our weeklong vacation, her mom agrees. Her mom shows her the shallow side of the pool and reminds her to stay there; she nods in agreement. With her favorite swimsuit, she is off, splashing and playing in the water, having the time of her life.

Taking a bath had been an ordeal for her, fearing water will get inside her eyes and ears. But since the swimming lessons two summers ago, her desire for pools and beaches became insatiable. Her swimming creates a lot of ripples, as if a tsunami is underway.

She continues to swim by herself, although there are other kids, mostly older than her. Now, she realizes she has strayed towards the deeper side of the pool. She attempts to stand but her feet do not touch the ground. Forgetting her trainings, she flaps and kicks vigorously, to no avail, as she gulps a lot of water. With the splashes she has been making since entering the pool, no one notices her predicament, not even the older kids near her. She’s swallowing more water now.

Suddenly a hand reaches out and pulls her up. It’s her mom. She cries, speechless from all the water she just engulfed. Her mom hugs her and tells her everything will be alright.

My sister is wet, even though she’s dressed up, jeans and all, for the day’s itinerary. No one realized what was going on; but she did. She ran and dived into the pool to reach her, for what seemed like an eternity.

Back in their room, she is her usual self again. She excitedly narrates how her mom had pulled her up; without doubt, she always knew she will save her. She just hates drinking pool water.

This trip takes a meaningful turn for all of us. We now have a deeper appreciation of moments spent together; we embrace life and enjoy all it has to offer; and we do the best with the time we are given.

A page from my journal
April 29, 2005

Inches

Al Pacino
Any Given Sunday

One of my favorite speeches




"Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives all comes down to today. Either we heal as a team or we are going to crumble.Inch by inch, play by play till we’re finished.

We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me andwe can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us orwe can fight our way back into the light. We can climb out of hell. One inch, at a time.

Now I can’t do it for you. I’m too old. I look around and I see these young faces and I think I mean I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.I uh….I pissed away all my money believe it or not. I chased off anyone who has ever loved me.And lately, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life things get taken from you. That’s, that’s part of life. But,you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out that life is just a game of inches. So is football. Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small. I mean one half step too late or to early you don’t quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in ever break of the game every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch. We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch. Cause we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the fucking difference between WINNING and LOSING between LIVING and DYING.

I’ll tell you this in any fight it is the guy who is willing to die who is going to win that inch. And I know if I am going to have any life anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch because that is what LIVING is. The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can’t make you do it. You gotta look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes. Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. You are going to see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes down to it, you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That’s a team, gentlemen and either we heal now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That’s football guys. That’s all it is. Now, whattaya gonna do?

Wheel power, will power.

Both reach their destinations.

One has it easy.



The other sweats it out.



One rides his bike. The other, ah well, his bike rides with him.

Exhausted from working all day in the banana plantation of Madaum, he longs for the comfort of home. The P8 motorcycle ride is the fastest way of getting there. But he has one big problem; what the hell is he going to do with his bike?

He has accepted his fate. He will never enjoy a stroll on the beach or a walk in the park. With his wheelchair, he is used to the pitiful stares from strangers, it no longer bothers him. In the silence of their minds, he knows, he will always be labelled as incapacitated.

But not today. Not while he's on his bike.

Today he rides like the wind and conquers a gruelling 35-kilometer climb towards Calinan.



Who's incapacitated now?


A page from my journal.
November 22, 2003

Now is my time

Enough with mediocrity.

This is my time.

A new year begins.

The world awaits.

My future beacons.

Let freedom ring

June 12, 1998
In celebration of 100 years of Philippine Independence, I made this. The framed declaration still hangs in my old room.

Declaration of Independence

June 12, 1998

I will not put to waste my God given potentials.

I will love.

Grow.

Dream.

Triumph over self-defeating behaviors.

Be contented.

I will Live.

Build.

Reach for the stars.

Create.

Discover.

I can Write.

I can pray.

Listen.

Smile.

Enjoy a sunrise.

a sunset too.

Understand.

Relax.

Be productive.

Succeed.

Express.

Laugh.

I am an expression of infinite freedom.

I am free.

A recovery plan

September 14, 2006

Somewhere in Davao Oriental

The weight of the world on his shoulders. With one more day to sales cut-off, he ponders his next move. Can the heavens lighten this poor man's load? Can any force in the universe change the inevitable? The question is raised, after nine unforgiving months, will September be any different? The gentle breeze, the stillness of the sea seem powerless to calm the turmoil in his soul. The sun is about to set in Mati. He thinks. He searches for answers.

Testing our limits

Are we there yet?

March 19, 2004

What? No paved roads.

who needs this harsh, unforgiving adventure?

I know, our climb is just a half days old.

But can we stop for a while?

My vision has left me.

I need to breathe some more,

my aching muscles need to rest.

Let us capture this moment of breathlessness.

Whew. Such brave smiles.

Go on. Hide your pains.

Hide your aches.

A long way to go to the top.

Who needs this adventure?

As for me,

i'm gonna flag down

any motorized contraption that comes this way

and bring me to the top.

Oh Mt. Apo.

Things to be happy about

Journal notes.
September 15, 1999

Opened a page from my past. Exactly 7 years ago today. It's funny how the same things still make me happy.

Things to be happy about.
your love for me. french playing(?), lying on my back. pic Florida keys. doing my own thing. dinners with you. being a perfectionist (no way). g's spaghetti. remembering the first time i saw you at whoopie. eggs. 50's music. shower. being kind. cotton sheets. our friends. fiesta at g's house. excellence. baby blue's books. romance novels. cnn. reuters. an air of expectancy. "a boat on the line where the see meets the sky", synchronizing ipaq, a thousand fantasies. archie comics. "a one in a million you", no smoking signs, hot chocolates, forgiveness, new haircut, the opposite of long skirts, spontaneity, lip glosses, "take care" notes, will power, sand castles, conversations, french fries, believing in one great love, keeping in touch, vanilla ice cream, la vista del mar, "somewhere in the night", sta. cruz island, silence, sept 4, weekends, justice, estee lauder, great prayers, pnc 225 I miss that car, sleepy people, 410 c Sta Maria - Tan's compound, mails from g, the need for imagination, DBP, being sensous, us, making a list of things that money can't buy, DHL, watching the ocean change its moods, adults who baby talk, time tested friends, whistling a duet, g going to davao...

Who are you?

At a beach
April 24, 2005

having a moment?
a sweet gesture?

letter g.
forever in my hands.
forever in my life.
A passing impulse?
an eternal pledge?

Or just playing around.
Perhaps, one more scheme to waste dough in this far-away land? Oh g. who are you? what are you? i know. no need to declare your significance in my life. you're my guiding force. my compass. letter g. i'll be forever lost without you.... great. gorgeous. gift. google. goalie. Gem. gee whiz.

Passion

I want to live.

No more half-hearted efforts.

No more half-baked ideas.

No more half-full glasses.

Just wholehearted, fresh-baked, overflowing life.

I want to live on purpose.

No more aimless wandering.

No more squandered existence.

No more squelched ambition.

Just on-target, death-defying, carpe diem courage.

I want to live in connection.

No more superficial engagement.

No more destructive pleasures.

No more cold rationality.

Just bone-deep, life-affirming, stream-fed intuition.

I want to live with joy.

No more sour grapes.

No more jaded cynicism.

No more inflated self-importance.

Just awe-filled, enthusiastic, open-hearted passion.

I want to live on purpose, in connection, with joy.

I want to live filled with courage, guided by intuition, centered in passion.

I want to live!

- a friendster testi